I got lungs full of lead by the way I’m breathing/ Cold heart in my chest like my blood is freezing/ Parched throat so no one can hear my soul screaming/ Heavy thoughts I can’t exercise my minds demons/ Seasoned, I spring to fall from what I believe in/ Seasoned, I cook death for its taste I’m fiending/ Seasoned, been here so long I forget the reason/ Weathered, lost my flare and all my feelings/ Life is robotic repetition in my system/ Don’t care for it, hardly there for it/ More of a perpetrator when I play the victim/ Act defenseless, ‘for I play the blitz/ Lately looking in the mirror makes my teeth grit/ Like I got a mouthful of ‘em and my speed stick/ Can’t cover up my stench in my sickness I wallow/ Won’t spit out my pride but I’ll choke if I swallow/ I keep it inside because without it I’m hollow/ Say the sun will rise I only see dark tomorrows/ Voices telling me tasting barrels will end my sorrow/ Evil angel beckons, I’m tempted to follow/

I can’t count the number of massacres I made in my head/ Lost track of all the times that I have wished my family dead/ I get flashbacks as cashback thinking of my past/ they cloud my vision each time I look ahead, storms brewing/ I can feel the tension in my tendons/ Moral compass saying I’m going the wrong direction/ Upon inflection, I notice my self-deception/ Made the statement hundreds of times, here’s its correction/ I’m not okay, I’m not alright/ And every time I fight the truth it could cost me my life/ Literally killing me softly every second I stay silent/ Buying lies until I black out and get violent/ I hate the fact, that I’m angry all the time/ Pain is cannibalistic, eating me alive/ I dare another person to tell me that I’ll be fine/ I’m finally done acting feel like I’m losing my mind/

Snap back
The lines between reality and fiction are blurring
But I don’t need any more stigma
Black skin and mental health are already taboo
Get help? Try it when it’s you!
When it feels like your grandfather’s dementia has skipped a generation
Coming fifty years too early
When you realize you aren’t safe in your home or your head
When you realize you’re probably safer dead
Tell me you wouldn’t do what I do
Keeping it all
Pent up
Instead.